merlynthemagical felt deadly dull at exactly 04:16 AM last August 21, 2008.

I find it hard to write about bliss, or how it is being happy.All I can do is writhe to the melancholic music I always seared in my head.I tried listening to the rhythm of my heart, tried hearing what it has to say. I stopped for a moment to recognize its message, after what seemed like eternity, I found no answer. Is it better to be like this? Or I think I need to go out and try finding answers in a different way. I never had the chance to ride a roller coaster(literally), but I have tried riding a different roller coaster where I felt the suffocation, heaviness that was causing me to stop crying.I had to stop, for there was nothing left to cry. I should try to ride the real roller coaster one day to experience a different kind of suffocation, when the machine drops giving no warning, where the heart curls into a little knot,the stomach feels empty and there is air everywhere.

I don't know how to be happy. Seriously. When you smile, it doesn't mean you're happy. Although everybody can see me smiling and guffawing. I still don't understand why I am so unhappy inside. Why am I staying away from the world? I do not know. I don't see my purpose. Now I had received a comment from an old customer saying "Magic probably wears a cape under her work uniform." I smiled lopsidedly reading this very short but amazing comment. It made me smile from the heart.

Good morning tabulas.Remember to smile.

P.s: My friend told me that the cape elucidated my eagerness to help other people. To make other people happy. It showed how I became a "superwoman" to them without me doing anything but to brighten up their days. (which is in fact TRUE)

Mood: happy, seriously.

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